We Don't All Get To Live, Even If We Survive (Phan)
by luvme123
Summary: Dan and Phil are strangers. Though they may not have known each other, they do now and have one thing in common; they were in the same car crash. The crash Dan accidentally killed Phil's parents in. Difference? Dan's much better off than Phil, who had his heart torn to shreds -literally- in the accident. The two get closer and closer and Dan starts to feel the weight of guilt rise.
1. Chapter 1

_Why did you have to go and get yourself into trouble, Daniel? _Dan thinks to himself as he walks up the court-house steps, nervously fidgeting with his tie. _There are two people dead because of you, you idiot; now you're going to jail! _A guard walks up to Dan upon entering, patting him down before cuffing his wrists and pulling him off towards the area his attorney sat indignantly, trying to cover a large bald spot on the back of his head.

"Ah, Daniel." The attorney, Dr. James Thomas, a rather well-known lawyer and friend of Dan's father, Marcus, smiles. "We'll get you out of here with barely a suspended license, I promise." Dan just smiles and averts eye contact until he's being led off to a court room and sat down on the defendant chair. The judge starts the session and Dan seldom keeps consciousness as lengthy legal terms are thrown this way and that until his name is called for the stand.

"Do you swear to say the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? If so, say 'I do'." A guard asks, holding out a bible to Dan. Dan places a hand to the bible, in which he awkwardly replies, "I do." The book is taken away and the other attorney stands, walking to the podium.

"Mr. Howell, is it true you were in a wreck the night of May second?" He asks Dan.

"Yes." Dan says stiffly, ignoring the rush of annoyance prickling at his bones. _That's sort of why we're all here. _

"Good. Now, Daniel, were you speaking on your cellphone at all during the time before your wreck?"

"...Yes. A few minutes before it happened, my friend Chris called me." Dan says.

"And were you still speaking when you crashed?"

"No, sir."

The attorney turns to the judge.

"Judge Erens, this boy has admitted to being on his cellphone just _minutes _before a fatal crash killed Mary and Jonathan Lester. What are you going to do about that?" He dictates ; Dan could hear the impatient _tsk, tsk _coming from his puckered lips.

"And? That is no evidence that this boy was the reason for the crash." Judge Eren says simply, waving a hand in motion to turn the attorney back towards Dan. The attorney just tells him to sit down again and Dan sits, silently thanking the judge for not convicting him immediately.

* * *

"Mr. Howell?" Dan looks up from where his eyes lay on the table, overwhelmed by everything that was going on, to the judge. "I am convinced you are not guilty of vehicular manslaughter, but, the oldest Lester boy, Nick, is asking for some sort of compensation for his parents and younger brother."

"H-his brother's dead too?" Dan stutters, his heart dropping.

"No, but he is in the hospital with severe injuries and if not treated properly, he will die. And he wants compensation for that."

"And I'll gladly give it."

"Good." Says the judge. "So, in spirit of that, I am sentencing you to one year's worth of volunteer work in the St. Mary's hospital near your home, and three years suspension from your driver's license."

"Yes ma'am." Dan says, his voice cracking with the weight of guilt.

The judge raises the gavel and slams it down, calling a loud "Break!"

"See, what did I tell you?" Dr. Thomas says, pulling Dan by his shoulders as a guard uncuffs his wrists. Dan just smiles, rubbing his aching wrists.

"Yes, you did tell me; thank you, by the way, Mr. Thomas. I don't know where I'd be without you." Dan lies. _You'd be in fucking jail, don't lie to yourself._

"Well, I owe it to your father to do this for him." Dr. Thomas says, patting Dan's shoulder. "After he died, I promised him if you got into any trouble, I'd do the best I could to keep you out of jail."

"Thank you." Dan says again and walks off to do some paperwork before hopping a bus to his home.

"Dan's home! Dan's home!" Dan's little brother, Adrian, cheers, instantly clinging onto Dan's arm as he drops his too-big too-worn suit jacket onto the back of a kitchen chair. "Mom! Dan's home!"

"Yes, Adrian, I heard you the first time, now go watch some tv while Daniel and I talk big people talk." Dan's mother, Janet, says tiredly, rubbing her temple as she slides down in the chair Dan had lain his jacket. She motions for Dan to sit in one of the other chairs as Adrian bounces off to the living room. "Ok, so how much was the trial?" She asks.

"Nothing; Dr. Thomas said he didn't want me to owe him anything and he owed dad and sent me off." Dan says.

"He just let you go?"

"Yeah."

"Now, that was very nice of him; did you say thank you to him, Daniel?"

"Yes, mother." Dan sighs. "Can I go now? I'm supposed to move into Chris' place next week and I haven't packed a single box."

"So I'll take it you're not going to jail?" Janet asks expectantly.

"Nope." Dan shakes his head. Janet hops up and moves around the table, tears forming in her eyes as she hugs Dan tight.

"Good." She sniffs.

"...uh, mum?" Dan asks, his voice muffled by his mother's shirt. "Can...Can I go now?"

"Oh! Yes, yes, of course. Sorry." His mother releases him awkwardly.

"Thanks."

**So I'm starting a new story. Slow updates because I'm still busy with Keep The Smile, a Pewdiecry fic. But here, have some Phan. Loves 33**


	2. Chapter 2

Dan sighs, checking his watch; eleven thirty. He usually isn't up until at least noon, but today he'd been up since seven contemplating if he wanted to go to the hospital to start his volunteer work or no. He did, at ten thirty, and he'd been standing outside the doors for over an hour, trying to build up the courage to actually _go in. _

He pushes the door open and walks in trying to look the slightest bit self-respecting. A nurse was sat at the front desk, looking happy with her life and Dan smiles at her joy as he approached. He'd have to get her number for Chris later.

"H-hi, I'm Dan?.. Dan Howell. I'm supposed to be volunteering here for a while." He says as the nurse, who's name tag read PJ, turns her head to him.

"Hi, just let me check..." Pj opens a tab on her computer and searches files, her genuine smile becoming forced as she reads Dan's file the courthouse had sent the hospital. "Oh. Uhh... yes, there you are. Just let me call in my advisor and ask her who to assign you to." Pj presses a button on the pager strapped to her waist before pulling out a camara and a plain plastic square. "Also, we'll need proper identification for when you could possibly be in restricted areas." She snaps a picture of Dan as a blonde woman with much curlier hair than hers shows up behind her.

"What is it, Peej, I've got a meeting with a patient in five minutes." The woman says, hand on hip.

"Doctor Fletcher, I didn't think you'd be here so fast!" Pj says, looking up from her work a millisecond. "The... volunteer, Daniel Howell is here."

Doctor Fletcher looks to Dan, who was watching the two silently.

"The one in the crash that killed the Lester's?" She asks. Pj's eyes widen at doctor Fletcher's straightforwardness, and she nods. "I have the perfect patient for him to take care of; in fact, I'm off to meet him now. Dan, come with me. Leave your stuff with Pj, she'll be somewhere in the hospital all day."

Dan, taken aback, follows, sliding the papers to Pj before half-jogging to catch up with doctor Fletcher. She leads him to the elevator and presses the button for the second floor silently. The elevator stops and they climb out, Dan following doctor Fletcher down the hall until they stop at room _221. _

"Hold on out here while I talk to Phil, I'll bring you inside in a minute." She tells him, so Dan sits on the floor next to the door while she steps in, closing it behind her.

* * *

"I'll be back in an hour to check on you and tell you about Phil's medication times." Doctor Fletcher says, pushing Dan into the room and closing the door behind him. He looks through the small window on the door to see her sashaying away towards the elevator.

"Hi." Dan jumps as a low voice speaks behind him and turns to see who he assumed to be Phil sitting on the bed hooked to an IV pole, his raven black fringe covering one of his bright blue eyes. "Is that you, Tasha?"

"Uh, n-no. I'm Dan. I'm volunteering here." Dan stutters, taken aback by the attractiveness of the pale boy sitting on the bed.

"Oh. Sorry. She took my glasses to get fixed ages ago; I need a new pair." Phil says, flashing a smile in Dan's direction. Dan can't help but smile with him as he steps closer. "Y'know, you even look a bit like her through this haze." Dan chuckles as he sits, holding a hand out to shake. Phil takes it, shaking strangely strong for his frail-looking hands.

"It's nice to know. Just as long as you don't try to make a move on me thinking I'm her." Dan jokes.

"No worries; Tasha's a little too girly for her own good. Plus, I uh... sorta... swing the other way." Phil says awkwardly, averting his gaze to the grey bed sheets.

"Oh. Ok." Dan says. They sit in silence before Dan speaks, rather hesitant. "...I swing both ways."

Phil perks up.

"Really?"

"...Yeah."

"Sweet." More silence falls, and Dan and Phil eventually create conversation, talking cheerfully, until doctor Fletcher comes back.

"Hello boys, getting along are we?" She asks cheerfully.

"Yes ma'am." Phil smiles. "Have you spoken to Tasha about my glasses?"

"Yes, and they should be in before you leave, don't worry about that. Now, I'm going to take Dan, he'll see you when he visits again. Ok?"

"Ok." Phil smiles. "Nice meeting you, Dan."

"You too, Phil." Dan says, high-fiving Phil as he stands. As he does this, he can't help but see the name on his wrist band.

_Lester, Phillip Michael. A__dmitted: 10:37 p.m. May 2, 2009._

The door closes behind him and he flips.

"You put me with the person I nearly _killed?!" _He hisses at the doctor, running a hand through his brown locks.

"Yes." Doctor Fletcher says. "But not because I wanted you to be guilty, I wanted you to give him a friend."

"What?"

"I'm a good friend of his brother, Nicholas, and so I'm around Phil a lot; enough to know he never really had any friends in school. He only ever really hung out with Pj Nick and I. And now... I don't know how long he has. And I want him to have at least one friend to call just his if he's not going to make it. This isn't supposed to be a guilt trip, I promise, just... Compensation." Doctor hope says thoughtfully. "A friend for a life?.."

"Wow, that's...Morbid."

"Yeah..."

"So you'll stay on Phil duty? If you want, I'll move you."

"No." Dan says. "I'll do it. I owe it to him, at least."

"Ok. Just... Don't tell him just yet you killed his parents."

"Probably not a good idea, no."

**So you got some older!Carrie, some Genderbent!Pj, and... a Sherlock reference that you have to squint to see. Enjoy. Loves 33**


	3. Chapter 3

"During the accident, a pole went directly over Phil's heart, tearing the tissue up to the point of needing a new one; repair, at this stage, is not going to work." Doctor Fletcher says, explaining to Dan. "And we have yet to find one. So, we've limited his physical excretion and he's got beta blockers to slow down the blood flow through the tears along with other medications. He takes these," she pulls out a bottle of blue pills, shaking it, "at noon and at ten p.m., and the beta blockers when needed.

"Nurses come in periodically to give him required shots and meds, but sometimes we're busy, so if we're not here at proper times, you'll have to give them to him. Understood?"

"Understood." Dan says, coughing uncomfortably into his elbow.

"Also, your coughing reminded me, don't turn up here sick; even the slightest bit feverish, please don't turn up. Phil already has a weak immune system without his heart giving him problems, please don't get him sick; he'd be in the ICU weeks with a cold." Doctor Fletcher says. Dan nods.

"Yes ma'am... does that mean we're done here?" He asks.

"Yes. Just pick up your files from Pj, I think she's at the desk still." She says, turning towards another door down the hall.

"Thanks." Dan says, waving over his shoulder, "tell Phil I said bye?"

"Will do." Doctor Fletcher opens a door with a shy grin. "Oh, and when you hang out with Phil, I hope you won't be too shy for the camera."

"Camera, wait-" Dan starts, but the door shuts as Doctor Fletcher steps inside, already addressing another patient. He just sighs, pressing the button to the elevator and taking it to the main floor.

"Hey there." Pj says as Dan approaches the desk, pulling a bag up her arm. "I'm heading off, you need your papers, right?"

"Right." Dan says. Pj grabs a small stack off of the neat piles on the desk and hands it to Dan.

"There you go. Signed by hospital personnel, completing your first two hours of community service." Pj grins as she walks back from behind the desk and clocks out on a wall nearby and Dan can see she's changed out of her scribbled-up scrubs and into a pair of skinny jeans and a top with the words _Tiny Planet Explorer's Are Cool. _

"Thanks. Nice shirt by the way."

"Thanks. A fan made it for me." Pj says, tucking her bag under her arm and walking towards the door. Dan, seeing that was the only exit, follows quickly, wanting to catch her number before she left.

"A fan?" He asks.

"I run a YouTube channel called Kickthepj." Pj explains. "My fans call themselves Tiny Planet Explorers after a short film I made."

"I see. You're like my roommate, Chris. He runs one called Crabstickz."

"Oh really?" Pj asks.

"Yeah." Dan replies as they fall into pace next to each other on the pavement running along St. George St. "You two should do a video together some time."

"That'd be wonderful." Pj says, grinning ear to ear. "He wouldn't mind if we did that?"

"He's up for anything as long as it involves food, pretty girls, or both. So, I think you're good." Dan says. Pj giggles.

"You think I'm pretty?" She asks.

"Well, no- uh, yeah, but I, uh- I-"

"I get it. You think I'd be a good match for your little friend, so you're chatting me up to get me to tell you my number."

"Well..."

"I totally get it." Pj says, patting his shoulder. She holds out a hand. "Gimme your phone."

"What?" Dan asks, pulling out his phone anyways. "Why do you need it?"

"Just let me see it, please."

"...Fine." Dan hands Pj the phone. Pj taps a few buttons, hands Dan the Phone, and smiles.

"I'm in there as Peej. Tell your friend to call me some time." She says as he slips the cell back into his pocket. "I'd better go; you stay here, though. Don't want to miss your bus home."

"Ok," Dan says, disappointed. "Will you be at the hospital tomorrow?"

"No, I'm working on another short film the rest of the week, but Doctor Fletcher's always available."

"Ok, but could you explain to me what she meant when she told me not to be 'camera shy' around Phil?"

Pj gasps. "She put you with Phil?"

"Yeah. I already know who he is. Now, why was I told not to be 'camera shy'?"

The bus pulls up and Pj jogs away, calling "call me later or something!" and Dan sighs, cimbing onto the bus.

* * *

"Chris, I'm home!" Dan calls, falling onto a beanbag laying near the entryway.

"Hey, man! I brought Nando's!" Chris says, waving a takeout bag. "Come get it."

"No..." Dan groans, flailing his arms uselessly towards the food. "I'm too lazy."

"I guess you don't get dinner then."

"I guess you don't get this cute girl I met's number then."

"There's a girl?" Chris hops up, grinning, and tosses the bag at Dan. "I thought you were doing volunteer work."

"I am," Dan says, pulling out his phone and scrolling until he found Pj's number. "She's a nurse at the hospital."

"Ugh, bro, no offense or anything, but you have horrible taste." Chris stands.

"No, dude. She's a video person, like you."

"A YouTuber, you mean?"

"Yeah yeah, whatever." Dan grimmaces. "You know I don't know how to speak."

"Oh, I do now?" Chris says, "So who am I speaking to if you can't talk?"

"Shut up."


	4. Chapter 4

Dan sighs as he enters the hospital again, earlier than the day before, and walks up to the desk. Pj, like she had said, was not there. Instead, a different nurse was there, and doctor Fletcher was waiting nearby. Dan walks to the desk, but doctor Fletcher stops him and redirects the brunette towards the elevators.

"No need to check in at the desk anymore, Daniel," She says as the elevator opens and they step inside. "Seeing as I am now in charge of your volunteer work, you will see me when you arrive, and notify me when you leave. My cellphone number is on here," she hands Dan a card, "If I'm not in the lobby speaking to another doctor or patient, ring me. Do so as you leave as well." The door opens and doctor Fletcher exits first, walking the opposite way of Phil's room. "You know the way to Phil's, so I suggest you head over now; before medicine time."

"Ok. Thanks, doctor Fletcher." Dan says, turning the opposite direction.

"Call me Carrie. Too formal." Doctor Fletcher says over her shoulder.

"Ok..." Dan says, "Carrie."

Dan starts towards Phil's room, reaching it quickly and knocking lightly on the door.

"Come in!" Phil's muffled voice calls, and Dan slides in, shutting the door behind him. "Dan, is that you? I still don't have my glasses."

"Yeah, it's me." Dan chuckles.

"Well come and sit, then! You look too much like a nurse just standing in the doorway." Phil motions for the chair next to him and sits up quickly; bad idea. Nausea over-takes him and he lets out a sick moan as his vision rims with black. "Woah..."

"You alright, Phil?" Dan asks, coming closer.

"Yeah, just dizzy; I sat too fast. Don't worry." Phil says, rubbing at his eyes as Dan sits at the chair next to the bed awkwardly.

"Ok..." Dan says. "...So...What do you usually do during the day here?"

"I usually hang out with the nurses, but they started thinning out now that I'm off the ventilator."

"Ventilator?"

"Yeah, the thing that helps support someone with a weak immune system; breathes for them and stuff." Phil says, "Shouldn't you know that if you're a medical student?"

Dan laughs. "You think I'm a medical student?" He asks.

"Well, that's why you're volunteering here, isn't it? College credit?" Phil asks, confused.

"Uh, no." Dan says quietly. "I, uh- I got into a bit of trouble...I had a bit of an accident with...some people... and I decided to help here instead of using all my university money on a fine."

"Oh. So you don't want to be here?" Phil asks.

"No! No, uh, I-I want to, sorta, I mean it's a nice place to be and all, but y'know, it wasn't my first choice with starting uni soon, but I figured it was the least I could do." Dan says. Phil could sense the awkwardness in Dan's tone and knew he wanted nothing but to end the conversation, so he changes the subject.

"So, uh, if you're not going into medicine, what are you doing?" He asks.

"Law."

"Impressive."

"Thanks." Dan smiles. "You look about university age, are you doing anything?"

"I left secondary early, actually, to go to uni; I graduated about a year ago with a degree in arts and media."

"That's cool. I was thinking of taking media as a side class, is it hard?" Dan asks.

"Well, it is, but if you're smart enough to go into law, I'm sure you'll have no problem." Phil says, accentuating his point with a wink.

"Thanks..." Dan says, and they launch into a detailed conversation about Pokémon until Chris is calling Dan's phone.

_"Dude, where are you? You said you'd be home three hours ago!" _

"At the hospital," Dan says into the speaker quietly, "What time is it?"

_"Eight o'clock. You said you'd be home by five, man. I was going to let you hang out longer, but you can't drive and you know how hard it is to catch the bus or a cab so late." _Chris says.

"Oh, thanks man." Dan says. "I'll get my stuff signed and be on my way I guess."

_"Bye."_

"Bye." Dan hangs up and stands, shoving his phone back into his pocket. "I gotta go, Phil, my roommate's waiting for me to get back."

"Alright." Phil says, smiling up at Dan, watching as the taller boy walks grudgingly towards the door. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah." Dan says, opening the door and stepping out.

* * *

"Carrie!" Dan yells, rushing to catch up with the blonde. He points to the fileing cabinet she'd put his forms in. "I'm on my way home, I need my papers signed."

"Ok, just a second." Carrie smiles, putting down a clipboard and helping a nurse get a patient into a wheelchair. The nurse wheels the patient out and Dan sighs as Carrie signs the sheet and slides t back into it's file.

"thanks," Dan says, "I'm running late home."

"well, have fun with your boyfriend." Carrie says. Dan blushes.

"Oh, he's not my boyfriend. He's just my roommate."

"Oh, sorry," Carrie says, embarrassed. "I just assumed..."

"It's alright." Dan Says. "I gotta go, bye."

"Bye Dan."

**I'm so sorry guys! I'm horrible at updates, please don't kill me, I know it's been over a week. I'll make up for it though! promise! I have a lot of ideas for this story, so I won't give up on it; never. Just mind the updates. Bye. love 33**


	5. Chapter 5

A week later and Dan finds himself watching Phil set up camara equipment.

"Phil," Dan groans, watching as the smaller boy hooked his camara to a tripod and set it to height on the floor. "Do we _have _to film today?"

"No," Phil says, "But we're going to."

"Come on..."

"No whining, it'll be fun; promise." Phil says. He hits record and moves quickly back into shot - well, as quick as he could get without getting nauseous. "Hey guys! As you can probably see, I'm still in the hospital, but I'm fine; see, they let me have a camara! And I have a friend!" Phil pulls Dan into view of the camara and grins as the taller boy tries to cover his face. Phil pulls at his hands weakly. "Tell them who you are!"

"I'm Dan." Dan sighs, giving up his struggle to cover his face and allowing Phil to drop his hands into his own lap.

"And what are you doing here?"

"Volunteering."

"A man of many words, he is." Phil smiles. "I'm sure he'll warm up in a while. You're all stuck with him until one of us gets out of here."

"I'm sure you'll be out of here long before I am." Dan says.

"Doubt it, but whatever." Phil continues with his video, having Dan chime in every now and then, before he climbs up off the bed and clicks the camara off. "That was fun, huh?"

"Yeah, but you were talking for like thirty minutes, are people actually going to even watch it?" Dan asks. Phil chuckles.

"That, Daniel, is called the magical powers of video editing."

* * *

"Look at these comments, dude!" Phil yells across the room to Dan, who was setting up Phil's pills and a cup of water.

"No," Dan says, "I know they're bad. Now come take your medicine.

"No," Phil crosses his arms over his chest. "I know they're bad."

"Phil..."

"Dan."

"Fine, I'll look; but you're taking your medicine right now."

"Sounds good to me." Dan takes Phil his medicine and a cup of water and watches as Phil takes them and drowns them down, sliding over on his bed so Dan could see.

"Look at them," Phil says, "They love you!"

Phil was right; tons of comments saying things like _Dan's so cute and awkward :) love3 _or _Dan treats you nice, Phil; keep him _filtered through Dan's eyes and he can't help but smile. These people, srangers, were being sweet to him. To _him. _The one everybody teased. And oh, was he loving it.

"These _are _nice," Dan agrees, brushing off his joy in hopes to sound nonchalant about the whole thing. "Really sweet."

"Aren't they? I might just have to put you in more videos." Phil grins.

"Totally." Dan scoffs. "Right after I become queen."

"That can be arranged."

**Fuck it. I'm done with this chapter. I've had it in the Doc's for like two weeks and this is all I've got. More next chapter, hopefully. Anyway... love 33**


End file.
